Back to the Old Ways

[walkingshadow.livejournal.com]

My rec table.

Claim: Stargate: Atlantis - Rodney McKay
Title: Back to the Old Ways
Author: Annie, aka out_there
Characters: Rodney McKay, John Sheppard, et al.
Prompt: 48. Reccer's Choice.
Rating: PG.
Length: medium.
Brief summary: Brilliant exploration of Rodney post-Lost Boys and The Hive. You can see him thinking just this way, wondering just these things, and, when the time comes, being re-assured by just that explanation.

Rodney can't explain it. Can't explain it to Kate, can't define it for himself. He remembers the enzyme running through his veins, remembers the sharp strength and the muted worry, the soaring knowledge that he could push too hard, do more, do better. The fear of being unable to give this up. Then there was Carson and that week of empty stomach and hating everyone as he was weaned off the addiction. It was utterly frustrating: getting enough to know what he was missing, to make the pain bearable and the need impossible.

Then he was him -- back to the regular, extraordinary Dr Rodney McKay -- relieved and reassured by the familiar physical flaws.

And...

That's where it gets difficult. Because there's something else there. Something he doesn't want to think, let alone say, but John's turned towards him, one dark brow raised, curious and concerned, and the word slips out the corner of Rodney's mouth.

"Diminished."

Link to the story: Back to the Old Ways